Listen, Kindness, Repentence

Before you speak,
it is necessary for you to listen,
for God speaks in the silence of the heart.
-Mother Theresa

Usually I get up at around 6:45-6:50 and get out of the house by around 7:30 in the morning. All this so that I can take a public bus, then a train to catch the company's bus at 8, which brings me to the factory. But today, I ended up waking at 7:30. No way I'll catch it. Well possibly...but you know what, I'll just take a taxi. An extra $30 HK but it's ok...forget it, don't rush.

And for the first work day in I think 3 weeks or so I didn't rush to get out of the house. I took my time, which meant that I ended up taking my time while being fully awake to do my devos. For the past couple weeks, my devos haven't been the greatest. It consisted of reading a chapter or parts of a chapter, then praying only to fall asleep 30 secs in. I've been pretty tired. But today as I sat down and begin to just engage with God, I felt Him speak to me..."Mike you can't keep going like this. You need to spend the time with me. I want you to spend time with me." And then it hit me, that God let me miss the bus because He wanted to sit me down and tell me...I'm missing out on something vital...the unrushed, one on one time with God.

My spiritual life hasn't really dipped, I've been trying to remind myself to keep inviting God into whatever I do during the day, and as John Ortberg put it, every time we consciously do that, "it's a win". But this was different. This was the Father speaking to His child in kindness saying, "I want to spend time with you but I haven't been able to."

And I know I'm in the wrong. I want to go back. Repentence.

Here is where I begin to see an important truth ring true in my life. Often times people who aren't on track with the Lord would be told by other Christians about how they need to do it. They would begin to compare how the person can devote so much to computer games or MSN or whatever in an attempt to make them realize they have the time but choose not to spend it with God. Guilt, that's what they're trying to go after. Rebuke, that's what they think.

But what leads me to where I am today in this relationship with Him is the realization that what leads to true repentance is not guilt, not rules, not even consequences, but it's kindness. It's the kindness of God that leads us to repentance. And today I sat, listened, felt the kindness of the Father...and I'm repenting, "God, I need your help to straighten this crooked soul so that I'd spend time with you. I haven't been giving my best to know you, and I want to know you more."