He's up to something big...

utccf
Tonight was our first official large group gathering. We moved to a new venue for just this week at Hart House.

The schedule started today at 4:30pm. It was suppose to be a time of prayer. I was a little late so when I walked into the room I saw people chatting, practicing music, setting up stuff...but in the middle of this hallway I saw a group of girls with their eyes closed, sitting in a circle praying. So I decided, since my purpose of arriving at this time was to pray, I was going to join them. So I pulled up a chair and began to just listen in and agree to what they were praying.

When things were settling a bit, I decided it was my turn to pray. And as I prayed I remember one thing that really impressed into my heart. That as I walked into this room, it really moved me to see a group of girls gathered together praying when others were doing other things around them. And I remember so clearly what I came next...I began to pray expressing how I was so blessed by these girls' hearts for change in this campus and that they knew where the key to that change was...in prayer. They were right on.

To sum it up. I was excited, nervous, and anticipating great things...and God ended up taking me down an incredible road tonight. Tonight was yet another time in the past couple weeks when I've just felt so small, so humbled, to think that God would choose me to be a part of this great big plan that He had.

And I honestly think God's up to something big this year and we're not going have to wait till the end of the year to see it. It's coming quick. Frosh BBQ was good, OD was awesome, Retreat was amazing, and tonight was incredible. I don't think I've seen so many people in CCF in the times that I've been there before. It wasn't because of the program, b/c no one really knew what tonight was about till they arrived. It was God working. It was His community in action. It was His Spirit moving.

And all I can say is that I am so small and He is so big. Every week all I've got to offer is just a couple of loaves and fish, and He just keeps taking it and doing something incredible to it. I serve such an amazing God!

Keep praying for CCF and all the other fellowships at UT and at other universities. God's on the move, and the effect is starting to surface.

He's up to something... and it's BIG.

The Greatest Girl Ever...

A couple days ago, it struck 12 and I left my life of 20 and with no options but one, stepped into the life of an early twenty year old.

After I finished my classes, I went to pick up Kat who was waiting to surprise me by bringing me out to dinner. At first she was gonna blind fold me and drive, but she didn't have the car, so she just said "Drive, and i'll tell you where to turn... I hope we find it." hahah

And so we drove down the DVP, onto Bloor, turning at Avenue, then onto a side street of one of the upper class districts of Toronto. I still had no idea where she was bringing me, until we walked a bit on Cumberland Rd. and then I saw the sign of a restaurant that sounded really familiar and then it hit me...that's where she's bringing me. Sassafraz.

What a nice surprise. I never would've guessed coming here.

And after a little shuffling tables, we ended up sitting at a table on the upper floor. Nice. Quiet. Classy. Intimate. It was just a good place to have a nice meal and not have to be so distracted by conversations of neighbors or the sense of busyness that overflowed from busy waitors darting.

We both had a really nice dinner and then I opened up the present that Kat gave me. When I opened it, I was just so...happy. =)

She made me a scrap book of all of our adventures together in Asia.

As I flipped through the memories, it was just so cool to laugh, remind each other and reminisce of the times we were across the world together.

I'm so blessed to be in this relationship together. And it has been amazing and just such an act of grace that the Lord granted us the summer to experience what we had experienced in Asia together.

Thanks for the amazing night. You're awesome! <3

have u ever been so frustrated with yourself? wonder how could you forget the most important things to you?

why am i so forgetful? where have I arrived? why do i end up like this? this heartache so deserving. it's getting harder and harder to believe. i'm sorry.

confused. struggling. scattered. tired. regretful.

sometimes i'm hesitant to take a next step, scared it might be the wrong one.

One More Time...

So it's been a month since I've been back. I've really done a poor job at keeping this update. Sorry for all of you who've been checking, I'll try to be more diligent on this.

Well just so everyone has some sort of idea what I've been doing this past month...I'm just finishing up my first month at work which has been pretty cool. We just finished a one night retreat with CCF and last Friday was Orientation Dinner which was absolutely awesome. Praise God!

But in the midst of it, I've been feeling tired. September was and still is a busy month and the thing that I craved the most was just support and an understanding. I'm thankful for all those close to me that have been adjusting with me as I slip into a new lifestyle now that I'm working.

So that's a really small recap of what's been going on.

Oh yea, I also turned 21 in the past month. For all of you who came to my birthday party and chipped in for my present, thank you so much! I'm really grateful and I recognize how blessed I am to have friends like all of you.

In a couple weeks I'll be back with the band, and hopefully we'll pull through Song 1 for one final time and actually get a good recording of it. Btw, if any of you know of any gigs coming up let us know, cuz we're in the process of looking right now. Oh yea, if u've got a band name suggestion, that'd help too since we're still nameless. hahah

But onto something a little more indepth, a little more closer inside.

Sometimes I wonder how I'm doing. Sometimes I wonder if I've got it right. I remember it like yesterday...this past week has been a pretty hectic week planning and making last minute arrangements for the big unexpected influx of people coming to CCF's camping retreat. I was excited, quite excited. I felt the tension, the anxiousness, but also excitement just feeling deep inside God's got a bigger plan. That He's got a bigger picture in progress. I just remember countless times praying to God, "What's your plan? How can I follow You and join in what You're doing?"

And as we got there Friday for CCF and I opened the retreat with a prayer, it began to rain. I rushed to get a bunch of people to build a bigger meeting place with what limited tarps, poles and rope we could find as the rest of CCF was playing games and breaking the ice. When we finished, we ate dinner under our tarped area.

I was anxious at this point, just wondering wondering and wondering. I got to the point where I just walked up to Jon and told him, "Hey, if anyone's looking for me, I'll be in my car." And so I walked to my car in the rain, sat down, closed the door and stared out the windshield as the rain hit one by one.

I slowed down. I paused for a while. I breathed deeply and with what I could, I just began to pray. I was anxious. I was tense. I was questioning. And in the midst of it, I just prayed, "God what are You up to? What do You want me to do now?"

And I just heard Him say, just keep doing what you've already got planned. And so I did. When we were just about to start the worship, the rain stopped. And it didn't rain for the rest of the night until about 2 or so when people were starting to go to sleep. Praise God! He really pulled through on that.

But as I came out of retreat, I felt the purpose we had for it was accomplished...but I guess the visionary instinct inside me kinda felt a little disapointed, cuz I envisioned it to be greater. And I'm not sure if it's because we didn't do something or lacked to plan something or expecting God to move in a certain way when He moved another way.

I know this post may read like it was sound bites randomly placed together, but I guess I just wanted to write. I guess sometimes it's a lonely battle to fight when you're the leader. Sometimes the heart just takes twists and turns when you think one way while others may not see it the same way.

Perhaps this post didnt' make any sense, but hopefully my next one will be a bit more coherent and full of sense.

I guess to sum it up...I'm just tired and feeling a bit confused.