Driveway Meditations on Being a Leader

Driveway meditations. Sometimes when I drive, I turn the music low...or i tune the music out in my head, to give way to some reflective thinking on what's been going on. Relationships, work, ministry, my walk with God...the type of thinking can be anything...but what makes it a driveway meditation? It's when I finally get to my house and I've raised the parking brake and I can't seem to get out of the car. I just sit there and think, meditate, pray, or just worship. It's been one of my secret sanctuaries...sacred moments sitting in my grey Corolla, silence with the floodlight...those are my driveway meditations...and tonight I had one of those times...

This year has been an awesome year so far. I've been in places where I've learned much, and watched God move in amazing ways. It truly has been such a privilege to work with what I think the greatest team I've ever been in this type of ministry with.

But being leader isn't always easy. Just like a pyramid, when you're at the top there's always the perception that you're on your own. There's no one beside you who understands you. There's always that perception. I haven't met a leader who didn't at one point feel that sense of loneliness. It happens...and tonight that feeling came like a small whisper around again for me. Sometimes it doesn't have to be because someone is against you, or that there's been a mistake that you've made...sometimes all it takes is the pressure and the eyes watching you that will lead you into feeling so alone...the things through the grapevine you hear of yourself...the self-questioning, "Have I been doing things right? Have I been failing all this time? Is anyone following me? ... Noone feels the same, noone understands the weight on my shoulders, noone knows the tension I feel everyday seeing how things are yet knowing how things could be..."

It's tough being a leader...

But as I sat there in my car contemplating the struggle...I began to think of one of the greatest treasures a leader can ever receive...honest appreciation and encouragement. They're like drops of water from heaven in on the lips of a parched runner fighting for the finish line. Cuz being a leader is hard...it's hard cuz it takes work, it takes wisdom, it takes heart...it drains you because when you're caught up in something as important and passionate as the mission of saving souls, you can't think of what happens if you were to give anything less than 100%. And you push and push...i push and push...and even when things are going well, even when nights end with a bang, even with influxes of attendence and participation...all a leader may need something to prevent himself or herself from cracking on the inside is that drop of heaven from your lips...from my lips...that honest appreciation, that genuine encouragement, that thoughtful and insightful affirmation...

Before leading CCF I've been out of this kind of leadership for years, and when I came back, I was a little fearful that I would've forgotten what it would be like to lead...how to make decisions...how to guide spiritually...and whether or not I was cut out for this kind of thing. That's why every email I've received, every "I believe in you", every change of perspective I've received...I treasure them...because for whatever reason, they're rare. As rare as gold. And for everyone who's done that for me...from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for them.

One last thought for this post...

This past Friday night during CCF, when I sat down after giving my talk...I felt discouraged. I felt like I didn't do the greatest I could...I felt like I missed out on something, or extended too long yet still missed something...I felt I lost during moments that I intended to be deep and impactful, and I was met by laughter...

Yet when I sat there praying to God, telling Him how I wasn't feeling too great afterwards...He reminded me, in that still soft voice like He usually speaks in, "Even still, at this moment I'm working in people's hearts." And then I felt a peace overcome me...it's not up to me...in fact, even when I feel like I've messed up, He's still working.

That very evening when we went to Kowloon, I sat beside one of the most gifted encouragers I know. I decided to reveal some of how I was feeling...some of the disappointment I felt...and with certainty in his eyes, he reminded me...he encouraged me...he told me that during the prayer time afterwards, there were people crying, there were people putting their arms around others, there were groups praying for one another...God was moving. He was there. People were moved...and then it dawned me as well...even when night's don't go as planned...what matters is when God moves. And my greatest treasure as a leader is not the evening programs that go well, but the lives that are changed, the souls that have grown, and the leaders that are born through the process. More and more, I'm beginning to convince myself...that perhaps God's greatest moves happen in time rather than just instances.

What an insightful affirmation...for me...that picked up my night. That restored to me a sense of joy...for me that was a reminder from my Lord through His servant, that He's still working...

Encouragements...

And tonight...tonight...as I thought of this whole idea of encouragements...the health it brings to a leader...I experienced something of my own. That the greatest encouragement is when you're sitting on your driveway, meditating and praying...and you hear the encouragement of all encouragements...not because of the words, but because of who's giving it...tonight I felt the Lord tell me..."You're on the right path..." and it was the drop from heaven that quenched the loneliness.

Open up your hearts to Him...

Lately I've been listening over and over again to the song Tom Read wrote that captured my heart's expression while I was in Hong Kong...

"Open up you heavenly gates
Let the King of Glory in
Open up your hearts to Him
Let the King of Glory in."

Last Saturday I led our joint church missions conference into singing this song, and when we got to the chorus, I just let myself go in singing this song out. B/c the Word says that the Lord resides in the praises of His people, and that the Kingdom of Heaven is within you. We are His temple, and His Spirit is residing in us. How awesome can that be? It's beyond me. God is such an awesome God.

CCF
Lately God has been doing some amazing stuff at CCF. Two weeks ago, I felt the Lord lead us at CCF to give an alter call after our regular Friday service. I was pumped, excited and just anticipating God's move. I began to realize that as a leader, all I need to do is just provide the opportunity for God to move. Two weeks ago, one of my friends came to Christ. He's been at CCF, going to church, and studying the Word for the longest of time, but hadn't made the decision till that night. The week following, he led a Bible study. I sat in the Bible study and he did an awesome job.

Last Monday, I sat down with the committee and asked them for feedback. But more than just feedback on the program and how things went and what people thought...I asked them, "What is the spiritual state of CCF? What is God doing at CCF? What are some of the hints He's left us with of what He's doing? What are some the glimpses of where He wants to bring us?" And after thinking through it and reflecting we realized two things:
1. Provide the opportunity for people to believe in Christ for the first time on Friday large groups.
2. Emphasize small groups.

Last Friday, based on those two things, we opened the floor again for anyone who wanted to believe in Christ for the first time...and FOUR people signified that they wanted to make that decision! Our God is an awesome God!

And with each week of CCF that passes by, I'm beginning to convince myself that I've found the key to a successful ministry. It's not in better plans, better strategies, or ideas...but it's in obeying the answer to the question, "God what are You doing? How can I join in?" Never before have I placed myself in the leadership position of just following fully in this sense. And since I've stepped into this role and into following, I see more and more how great God is and how small I am...and all I need to keep doing is just ask and see where God is moving and watch Him do amazing things.

Open up your hearts to Him...and watch the King of Glory come in.

P.S. If you want to check out this song and its songwriter, you can find him here at: http://www.thomasread.net

He's up to something big...

utccf
Tonight was our first official large group gathering. We moved to a new venue for just this week at Hart House.

The schedule started today at 4:30pm. It was suppose to be a time of prayer. I was a little late so when I walked into the room I saw people chatting, practicing music, setting up stuff...but in the middle of this hallway I saw a group of girls with their eyes closed, sitting in a circle praying. So I decided, since my purpose of arriving at this time was to pray, I was going to join them. So I pulled up a chair and began to just listen in and agree to what they were praying.

When things were settling a bit, I decided it was my turn to pray. And as I prayed I remember one thing that really impressed into my heart. That as I walked into this room, it really moved me to see a group of girls gathered together praying when others were doing other things around them. And I remember so clearly what I came next...I began to pray expressing how I was so blessed by these girls' hearts for change in this campus and that they knew where the key to that change was...in prayer. They were right on.

To sum it up. I was excited, nervous, and anticipating great things...and God ended up taking me down an incredible road tonight. Tonight was yet another time in the past couple weeks when I've just felt so small, so humbled, to think that God would choose me to be a part of this great big plan that He had.

And I honestly think God's up to something big this year and we're not going have to wait till the end of the year to see it. It's coming quick. Frosh BBQ was good, OD was awesome, Retreat was amazing, and tonight was incredible. I don't think I've seen so many people in CCF in the times that I've been there before. It wasn't because of the program, b/c no one really knew what tonight was about till they arrived. It was God working. It was His community in action. It was His Spirit moving.

And all I can say is that I am so small and He is so big. Every week all I've got to offer is just a couple of loaves and fish, and He just keeps taking it and doing something incredible to it. I serve such an amazing God!

Keep praying for CCF and all the other fellowships at UT and at other universities. God's on the move, and the effect is starting to surface.

He's up to something... and it's BIG.

The Greatest Girl Ever...

A couple days ago, it struck 12 and I left my life of 20 and with no options but one, stepped into the life of an early twenty year old.

After I finished my classes, I went to pick up Kat who was waiting to surprise me by bringing me out to dinner. At first she was gonna blind fold me and drive, but she didn't have the car, so she just said "Drive, and i'll tell you where to turn... I hope we find it." hahah

And so we drove down the DVP, onto Bloor, turning at Avenue, then onto a side street of one of the upper class districts of Toronto. I still had no idea where she was bringing me, until we walked a bit on Cumberland Rd. and then I saw the sign of a restaurant that sounded really familiar and then it hit me...that's where she's bringing me. Sassafraz.

What a nice surprise. I never would've guessed coming here.

And after a little shuffling tables, we ended up sitting at a table on the upper floor. Nice. Quiet. Classy. Intimate. It was just a good place to have a nice meal and not have to be so distracted by conversations of neighbors or the sense of busyness that overflowed from busy waitors darting.

We both had a really nice dinner and then I opened up the present that Kat gave me. When I opened it, I was just so...happy. =)

She made me a scrap book of all of our adventures together in Asia.

As I flipped through the memories, it was just so cool to laugh, remind each other and reminisce of the times we were across the world together.

I'm so blessed to be in this relationship together. And it has been amazing and just such an act of grace that the Lord granted us the summer to experience what we had experienced in Asia together.

Thanks for the amazing night. You're awesome! <3

have u ever been so frustrated with yourself? wonder how could you forget the most important things to you?

why am i so forgetful? where have I arrived? why do i end up like this? this heartache so deserving. it's getting harder and harder to believe. i'm sorry.

confused. struggling. scattered. tired. regretful.

sometimes i'm hesitant to take a next step, scared it might be the wrong one.

One More Time...

So it's been a month since I've been back. I've really done a poor job at keeping this update. Sorry for all of you who've been checking, I'll try to be more diligent on this.

Well just so everyone has some sort of idea what I've been doing this past month...I'm just finishing up my first month at work which has been pretty cool. We just finished a one night retreat with CCF and last Friday was Orientation Dinner which was absolutely awesome. Praise God!

But in the midst of it, I've been feeling tired. September was and still is a busy month and the thing that I craved the most was just support and an understanding. I'm thankful for all those close to me that have been adjusting with me as I slip into a new lifestyle now that I'm working.

So that's a really small recap of what's been going on.

Oh yea, I also turned 21 in the past month. For all of you who came to my birthday party and chipped in for my present, thank you so much! I'm really grateful and I recognize how blessed I am to have friends like all of you.

In a couple weeks I'll be back with the band, and hopefully we'll pull through Song 1 for one final time and actually get a good recording of it. Btw, if any of you know of any gigs coming up let us know, cuz we're in the process of looking right now. Oh yea, if u've got a band name suggestion, that'd help too since we're still nameless. hahah

But onto something a little more indepth, a little more closer inside.

Sometimes I wonder how I'm doing. Sometimes I wonder if I've got it right. I remember it like yesterday...this past week has been a pretty hectic week planning and making last minute arrangements for the big unexpected influx of people coming to CCF's camping retreat. I was excited, quite excited. I felt the tension, the anxiousness, but also excitement just feeling deep inside God's got a bigger plan. That He's got a bigger picture in progress. I just remember countless times praying to God, "What's your plan? How can I follow You and join in what You're doing?"

And as we got there Friday for CCF and I opened the retreat with a prayer, it began to rain. I rushed to get a bunch of people to build a bigger meeting place with what limited tarps, poles and rope we could find as the rest of CCF was playing games and breaking the ice. When we finished, we ate dinner under our tarped area.

I was anxious at this point, just wondering wondering and wondering. I got to the point where I just walked up to Jon and told him, "Hey, if anyone's looking for me, I'll be in my car." And so I walked to my car in the rain, sat down, closed the door and stared out the windshield as the rain hit one by one.

I slowed down. I paused for a while. I breathed deeply and with what I could, I just began to pray. I was anxious. I was tense. I was questioning. And in the midst of it, I just prayed, "God what are You up to? What do You want me to do now?"

And I just heard Him say, just keep doing what you've already got planned. And so I did. When we were just about to start the worship, the rain stopped. And it didn't rain for the rest of the night until about 2 or so when people were starting to go to sleep. Praise God! He really pulled through on that.

But as I came out of retreat, I felt the purpose we had for it was accomplished...but I guess the visionary instinct inside me kinda felt a little disapointed, cuz I envisioned it to be greater. And I'm not sure if it's because we didn't do something or lacked to plan something or expecting God to move in a certain way when He moved another way.

I know this post may read like it was sound bites randomly placed together, but I guess I just wanted to write. I guess sometimes it's a lonely battle to fight when you're the leader. Sometimes the heart just takes twists and turns when you think one way while others may not see it the same way.

Perhaps this post didnt' make any sense, but hopefully my next one will be a bit more coherent and full of sense.

I guess to sum it up...I'm just tired and feeling a bit confused.

16

Don't worry...see I haven't forgotten
Just wanted to save this to post on a special day... ;)

Two nights before Kat left for Toronto, we took a trip to Stanley in HK. It was really hot, with no clouds to break the sunlight. We enjoyed the very tourist-y market of Stanley, just walking around staring at black and white photos of Hong Kong back in the early 1900's and contempary Chinese paintings that I personally found very intruiging.

After walking around the market, we went to bay just take a look at the ocean. Wow. It'll be a while before we get the chance to see oceans on this side of the world together for a while. I really loved that moment. It reminded me of the other time when we went to Silvermine Bay and looked out at what seemed almost like a tropical, traveller magazine-shot, view of an ocean with the characteristic green hills of Asian landscapes. A memory that still seems so vivid.

After a little more walking around we stopped by a Pacific Coffee to just chill and relax for a bit. We bought a donut (I hadn't had a donut for so long) and a Chilliano to share. As we sat by the windows, we just talked randomly about what made this trip so great for us. What kind of things really stood out to us. When suddenly out of the corner of my eye, I saw a slim box sitting on top of a small counter. It was a scrabble box. So I went to pick it up and brought it to our table to play scrabble. Now this sounds extremely nerdy...I suppose Kat is getting some of that influence from me...hahaha but yea, it was fun playing b/c this was the game Kat and I were playing back during our first trip together to the cottage last year with the rest of her family. So it brought a lot of good memories along with a healthy dose of competition. ;)

But after our game, we decided to walk around and find a nice place to eat.

We walked around the street with where restaurants opened up their tables along the sidewalk right by Stanley Bay. It was a nice stroll as we walked around looking for a restaurant to eat at. We ended up going to this really nice colonial style building that used to be located in Central, but was moved stone by stone out into Stanley.

We sat outside of the El Cid restaurant. It was probably the most romantic meal I've ever had...eating outside on a patio, moonlight in view, near the coast, Spanish cuisine served on candle-lit tables, live guitarists playing and singing love songs upon request...but what really made it so special was not the food, not the musicians, not the atmosphere, but the person I was with.

There's no other person I want to be with, no other girl that I treasure more...and I thank God for blessing me so much by leading us into this relationship. I can't wait to see you back home...





IMU <3

180

The greatest compliment I could ever receive as a worship leader would be...
"When you led, I had such an amazing encounter with God I forgot you were there."

Last night I was given the priveledge of serving alongside some of the greatest musicians I know here in HK in leading the 180 group to worshipping God. To be honest, I was real nervous and I stumbling in my explanations during practice and causing all kinds of mistakes, but they were real nice about it in tryna help me out. But how did it go? It was awesome. I really miss serving in this way. And I cannot think of a better way to finish off my trip here in HK with the chance to serve in this way. Truly amazing.

Well, a quick update for those in Toronto...I'll be back this Thursday and my current schedule for this week looks like:

Mon: leave the house at 6:45am to go to China with the grandparents
Tues: come back to HK at night
Wed: last minute stuff and dinner with Family at night
Thurs: Board the plane
Thurs (Can): arrive back home...

This has been an amazing trip...really gonna miss it here. But i'm really looking forward to coming home.

Next post will probably be when i get back on Tuesday...check then ;)

Final Day @ Meyer

My last day at work!!!

I can't wait to finish my term here at Meyer. Wow. 3 months. Today marks the end of my longest job up to date.

I suppose that since it's my last day here at Meyer, I should reflect on what it's been like here.

This has been a real blessing working here. Despite my previous post describing the vary "interesting" things about life at the factory, having had the chance to work here in HK has really been by the grace of God. To be a Canadian born Chinese, who doesn't speak a lot of Cantonese, nor has an HKID, and yet land a job in HK is pretty rare. It's really by God's grace that there have been people like uncle James who are willing to bring me in to teach me and let me grow.

They say experience counts...and even though I may not feel like I've "learned" a whole lot each day, I've learned a lot as a whole.

I've learned there are always problems, but the ability to find out the right problems and the right way to approach an issue may be just as important as the solution. I've learned that here in HK, the worklife really is as people say it is, long, hard, and overtime isn't out of the blue or additional pay to your salary. I've learned that simply discussing a problem outloud helps more than hours of contemplating and thinking alone.

I've solidified the notion that what you do in the real world really is gray compared to what school teaches you.

But this doesn't stop my "work" in Asia. Last night after dinner, I sat with my grandfather for a good 2 hours or so discussing about Kam Pin. We talked about management issues, about how to increase productivity, how to get workers, and about some of the issues and struggles he faces at work. So even though today's my last day, it's not the end of my work here.

On Monday I'm gonna go with my grandparents back up to China to visit the factory one last time. He wants me to write him a report explaining my observations and my suggestions on how the company can do better at the factory. It's kinda cool. Kinda like my first consulting-type project.

Well after today I've got only 6 more days left till I'm on a plane bound for home. And since I won't be here at Meyer anymore, it won't be as convenient as before to post on my blog, so here's an outline of what's goin' on these next couple days before I'm back:

Tonight:
Saturday: shop in the morning, then chill with Derek and Tianne, then co-lead at 180 at night
Sunday: attend Tung Fook Church with Casey, Leo, and Jay, then have lunch with uncle James one last time, then try to finish off a round of shopping, and maybe dinner with Derek Ma...i'm really hoping that i don't miss the chance to sit down and talk with him before i leave...i'd be real sad if i did.
Monday: hop in a car in the morning and head to china, tour the factory, discuss, maybe eat dinner at my uncle's restaurant, perhaps go out with Jonathan at night
Tuesday: more factory touring, perhaps play a round of golf with my grandfather, then hop on a train and come back to HK so i can finish off shopping
Wed: shopping, since I've yet to buy all the stuff that I need to get for myself and others...
Thurs: morning, maybe some very last minute shopping/packing...then at around noon head to the airport, hop on AC16 and head back home....



oh yea, one last thing...if u've reached this part of the blog, can you do me one thing. Pls pray for UTCCF. We need your prayers as hasn't been the easiest with me being so far away from the rest of the committee. And when I get back there'll be loads of things to do, so pray that I'd have the strength, wisdom, and guidance that only the Holy Spirit can provide to accomplish all that needs to be done. Thanks.

Countdown: 4 more days of work...

Tuesday...almost half way through the week. Just four more days till I'm done my workterm at Meyer and I'm off to finish shopping, chatting with friends, and visiting China. I don't really know how to describe my work here at Meyer. Most of what I've been doing has been measuring and statistics work. I suppose it's the work and life of an Industrial Engineer. But as I think about it more and more and dive myself into more and more statistics...I'm beginning to discover in myself a deep understanding of, "I actually don't really like this kind of work too much." I mean sometimes the statistics are cool, sometimes it's interesting...but for the rest of my life? Probably not. I don't think remaining an engineer is really where my heart is at, nor is it what I'm really good at.

I've always told people, the reason I ended up doing engineering was because the Lord led me in this direction...but also because God gave me that ability to do math. I'm no genius, I don't have a passion for statistics or a yearning prove anything in particular (hahah unlike my buddy Mike Kim)...but I can do it. And I know it's not something that everybody has, an ability to think mathematically...and this isn't said to appear prideful or something as if I have something to boast about anyways. But if God has given you something that not everyone necessarily has, then wouldn't it be a waste to not spend your time and effort to develop to some degree of excellence. That was my reasoning for sticking with engineering.

But that's just something I can do...not something I'm great at. And here's where I begin launch off on a tangent...

I remember during first year, a guest lecturer came to UT to talk about leadership coaching. Out of his 30 min presentation, one line that caught my attention stated the idea that, "If you focus on developing what you're bad at, you only become mediocre. If you focus on developing what you're good at, you can become excellent."

Math and engineering isn't what I'm bad at, nor is really something I'm good at. I'm more than positive that this isnt' the area that I can become excellent in. But there are other things...other aspects, interests, that I know I can become excellent in...and I would rather give my time, energy, and life into those things so that I can be excellent in them, rather than spend my life building myself to be only mediocre.

Meyer and engineering, I feel is not where I can develop these aspects of myself. But this summer, I'm grateful that I could be productive and learn while staying in HK. It has been a blessing and I need to remember despite the lack of passion I have for this kind of work.

The Space of Saturday

This past Saturday was suppose to be my day off, but because my boss (Uncle James) had to go to Singapore this week and was swamped with meetings last week, the only day I could do my presentation was this past Saturday.

7:00 am...

So I woke up and got ready. I bored the KCR and it occurred to me, that besides not being able to sleep in on a Saturday morning, I actually don't mind going to work on Saturdays. I mean who's awake at 7 am in the morning? Not very many people. I liked it. I liked the fact that I could sit in the train, with the morning sunlight pouring through the train's windows...and it was quite. It was still. It wasn't empty, it was spacious.

I like travelling early morning when everyone else is awake. I think it's something I've always liked...driving at 5am in the morning to retreats...overnight driving to PEI...the fact that I can do something that usually is fairly crowded or packed with people...I like the space, particularly here in HK.

A picture from where I stand to take the company bus.

Life in Small Places and a Camera

So after spending pretty much 3 whole months without a camera, Kat so graciously lent me hers for the rest of my trip...so I'll try to make the most of it.

I'd say one of my best descriptions of what it's like living here in Hong Kong is this, "Life in Small Places". It's been kinda interesting living in a room slightly less than a third of my bedroom size back in Toronto. But on top of that is the usual smallness of everywhere we go. Just the other night before Kat went back to Canada, we went to a Hui Lau San to eat some deserts and it was pretty small.

With that in mind, I don't think I mind living in small places. When I was younger, I used to think to myself, "When I grow up I want a house as big as the one I'm living in now...even if it's filled with just two people." But after this stay in HK, I'm beginning to think...living in an apartment or condo wouldn't be too bad. I mean if they can provide you with a swimming pool, a lobby, a parking spot, a recreation room, and a free elevator (of course you'd have to share it), who wouldn't want to...err...well what I mean is, it's a nice proposition.

Having a camera is really cool. I love taking pictures. I really like taking pictures, especially using manual settings so that you can set the shutter speed slow and get those really cool effects in your pictures. Pretty cool.

Thanks Hun!

Listen, Kindness, Repentence

Before you speak,
it is necessary for you to listen,
for God speaks in the silence of the heart.
-Mother Theresa

Usually I get up at around 6:45-6:50 and get out of the house by around 7:30 in the morning. All this so that I can take a public bus, then a train to catch the company's bus at 8, which brings me to the factory. But today, I ended up waking at 7:30. No way I'll catch it. Well possibly...but you know what, I'll just take a taxi. An extra $30 HK but it's ok...forget it, don't rush.

And for the first work day in I think 3 weeks or so I didn't rush to get out of the house. I took my time, which meant that I ended up taking my time while being fully awake to do my devos. For the past couple weeks, my devos haven't been the greatest. It consisted of reading a chapter or parts of a chapter, then praying only to fall asleep 30 secs in. I've been pretty tired. But today as I sat down and begin to just engage with God, I felt Him speak to me..."Mike you can't keep going like this. You need to spend the time with me. I want you to spend time with me." And then it hit me, that God let me miss the bus because He wanted to sit me down and tell me...I'm missing out on something vital...the unrushed, one on one time with God.

My spiritual life hasn't really dipped, I've been trying to remind myself to keep inviting God into whatever I do during the day, and as John Ortberg put it, every time we consciously do that, "it's a win". But this was different. This was the Father speaking to His child in kindness saying, "I want to spend time with you but I haven't been able to."

And I know I'm in the wrong. I want to go back. Repentence.

Here is where I begin to see an important truth ring true in my life. Often times people who aren't on track with the Lord would be told by other Christians about how they need to do it. They would begin to compare how the person can devote so much to computer games or MSN or whatever in an attempt to make them realize they have the time but choose not to spend it with God. Guilt, that's what they're trying to go after. Rebuke, that's what they think.

But what leads me to where I am today in this relationship with Him is the realization that what leads to true repentance is not guilt, not rules, not even consequences, but it's kindness. It's the kindness of God that leads us to repentance. And today I sat, listened, felt the kindness of the Father...and I'm repenting, "God, I need your help to straighten this crooked soul so that I'd spend time with you. I haven't been giving my best to know you, and I want to know you more."

Music of the Heart

I've been visiting the blogs of guys from the band lately...and have been thinking a lot about it.

Sometimes I wonder what I have to offer. It's kinda funny sometimes. I can recall countless times when I would stand with my guitar in the heat of rehearsal and just question, "What have I got to offer? These guys are so good." I feel like the odd one out. They're all like experts in their instruments...and then some. I feel so average at times.

Sometimes, I think they'd be better off if they started that jazz quartet instead. hahaha they'd earn a whole lot more money...or they'd actually earn money hahah...

But a lot of times I wonder what I've got to offer. I've been thinking about it a lot...and I feel like my guitar playing has kinda reached a plateau. I haven't got the interest or the capacity to really play well. I almost feel like it's pointless to buy a really expensive guitar, b/c it'll be so underused by me. All those years of hating theory have begun to catch up...ionic modes, diminished chords, pentatonic scales...i think playing by ear has it's limits.

I think I'm beginning to really rethink my role. More and more I don't think of myself as a guitarist anymore. If everyone had the same guitar, the sound coming out of mine wouldn't sound have nearly as lovely as that of legends like jimmy hendricks, eric clapton, and dan yoo.

But i think the only thing i've really got that's unique is my voice, but I often feel like I'm still so small. Just singing sometimes throws me off. And the songwriting? I don't think there's ever been a side to my life I've been more insecure about than writing songs. I've come to the point where I just don't introduce them as my songs anymore...they're just "new songs". But for all those who don't really venture into this category, I find it real tough to write songs...or at least good ones.

I often listen to songs like "Dare you to move" or "Shadow proves" and just be in wonder. Wow, how did he come up with a line like that? Or how did make it so powerful and moving. The imagery is amazing. And I think about myself and I just kind of wish the same. I kinda hope that somehow after rewriting 100 times or writing a chorus and waiting for 2 years till verses show up. It's kinda frustrating at times...sometimes i do wonder if i'm cut out for it.

I think i've got like 200+ unfinished songs or ideas, out of writing for 6 years...with only i think 3-4 worship songs that have been used for services, and a one-hit wonder that helped raise awareness at Hart House for Make Poverty History. But 4-5 songs out of 200, maybe even 300+...actually a part of me thinks it's normal...or perhaps a little small.

Sometimes it's great...most of the time it's tough.

And Limits...

I think the one thing that drives me insane is the countless ideas, beats, melodies, and other things that go through my head and end up staying in my head because there's no way to bring them out. It's tough when there's no computer or keyboard, or you don't know the right software, so that you can actually audibly hear what you hear in your head. I guess that's the life of a desperately poor musician . It's always a challenge. Always a tension. It makes you edgy...like constantly having a word on the tip of your tongue...

It's not about defeat. It's just my trying to be real. I feel for all those musicians out there who want to make great music but just can't...who've got an inkling for something creative, but haven't got the means to manifest it...

But I'll keep giving my best...i just pray that God would somehow use what little i've got to do something impactful.

Can't wait for the next band practice...btw, we still haven't got a name.

More than Programs – Leaders as Cultural Architects

Being CCF chair next year is exciting. I'm excited to be serving the Lord and to give it the best that I can. Consequently so, I've been reading and thinking a lot about how to lead next year. Been reading a lot about leadership, innovation, spiritual formation, and organizational behavior.
Today as I was reading, something sparked in my mind and I thought I'd put it on paper, or type. So here it is. I hope some of you find it useful, and I hope especially that somehow other CCF leaders will get a chance to read it and find it helpful as they lead next year.


We've all heard it before when it comes to leadership, “it's not about programs, but about people.” And that's absolutely true. Relationships are irrefutably foundational for effective leadership.

But what happens afterwards? What does someone do that sets a person apart as a truly effective leader than just being socially adept?

Marcus Buckingham in his book, The One Thing You Need to Know, says that essentially all leadership is about is rallying people to a better future. Slightly out of the blue. Interesting thought. Not the usual leadership definition we hear. But upon reflection, I think this is so definitive of a leader.

And when I think about Jesus Christ, that is exactly what he did. The gospel he preached was not “minimal entry requirements into heaven”, but rather “the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” And when He says at hand, he doesn't mean coming, he means available. It's available. And as He preached this to the multitudes, He was saying, “The right and best future, where God's kingship is fully applied, is available and can be manifested in you now.” The future was available now.

Back to what do we do as leaders of people beside building relationships and rallying them into a better future. So what practical thing do we have to do in addition to those two components? I believe we have to be architects of something where people are central. Programs are not really people centered. Programs are activity centered. But culture is people centered.

For us, leaders, to rally people to a better future, and actually bring them there, we must be cultural architects who continuous lead people into a culture that enables and digs deep into their hearts.

Every organization is built on more than one person. There are always those who put their best efforts and time into bringing a group of people into that future. And as every leader has experienced, there is always the question of how to get these people to actually do it. The question of motivation. How do I get people not only on board, but rowing?

And I think that’s what culture is all about. It’s about developing a culture infrastructure with culture keys like servanthood. Leaders need to be willing to create a culture where a servant heart and hand should be extended to anyone regardless of position. And as an architect, they got to be the first ones to do so.

If we as leaders, and I say this because I've made the mistake more than once, focus all our efforts and time in developing great programs, it will only go so far. It isn’t sustainable, it isn’t people centered, it doesn’t always reach into a person’s core and release that goodness or passion. Culture is what we need to focus on. We have to put our hearts, minds, hands, and prayers into this, because the nature of culture is that if you don’t take the initiative to shape it, it will be shaped and possibly not in the way that it should be.


On a side note, let me clear something up. Some people may have an uneasy feeling about me saying that Jesus Christ did what a secular researcher defined. As if I'm somehow placing Jesus into a premade box shaped by a secular mind. This is not the case. Rather it is a secular mind who finds a definition out of what had already existed, in the lives of many but perfectly so in Jesus Christ.

:(

2.5 weeks...i'll definitely miss you.

Life in the Factory

So I've been horrible at keeping this blog alive...I still owe a lot of you an outline of what happened in China and Macau...it's coming. But while I'm still tryna piece it together despite the busyness, I was inspired to write about what life in the factory has been these last 8-9 weeks or so.

Hm... where to begin.

Working here isn't too bad. When I first started my term here, I spent a lot of time on the shop floor...the non-air conditioned with metal coils radiating heat shop floor. It's hot down there...and humid. I remember reading an article on the Star saying how Toronto reached a blistering 35+ degrees with a humidex of a "high" of 40. Well...on hot days, the outside temp would be nearing 30 if not above, so add onto that heat radiating metal, I'd say we're close to the same temperature. As far as humidex goes...hahah I just found out that the average over here in Hong Kong during the day is like 80-90. It's pretty humid...hahah

So that's what working here has been like. I spend most of the time in the office area where it's suppose to be air conditioned. More like everywhere in the office is air conditioned except for my section. No idea why. But I suppose after a couple weeks of it, I've gotten used to it.

I think that's one thing I've built up a tolerance for in HK, a tolerance for heat and humidity. I don't sweat as much as I did when I first arrived. Sunday I was walking around Fa Yuen Street outside and it was hot and humid, but it didn't really bug me...i guess working on the shop floor without a fan to at least cool off your sweat really trains you for high heat.

Something interesting happened today. We had a fire drill. I can't remember the last time I had one of those...maybe gr. 12? Like over 3 years ago? But imagine a factory doing that, with all the people coming out...it was kinda funny...actually it reminded me of elementary school. In typical Hong Kong fashion, the from each department who was "in charge" of making sure we got out, wore a cross guard like band around their waste and shoulder, holding up a flurouscent pink or yellow card board paper with Chinese words printed on office paper taped onto it.

Here's a heavily pixelated picture of our team, posing while we "lined up" outside of the factory during the fire drill:














How about the food?

Well here at the factory, they serve us lunch. But that's been an interesting culinary experience all on its own. Basically they have two large pots of rice that everyone scoops from. Then we all scurry away to our tables where we have mysterious dishes waiting to be uncovered. But when uncovered, the usual reaction is...well it's still mysterious. Hahah I often here the usual (in Cantonese), "What is this?" and "Who puts this kinda vegetable with this dish?" One time we had deep fried fish, and it was so deep fried...there was no more fish. It was just deep fried powder. hahah

Another intersting thing is the soup. Usually we drink soup after our meal, but we all get it from this huge pot. So one day as I walked up to get my soup, I saw another employee bring his bowl over to the pot. We usually just use the bowl we eat out from to drink the soup. But as he poured the soup from the ladel into his bowl, the bowl was substantially smaller than the ladel...so as he poured, the soup just overflowed out of his bowl and fell right back into the communal pot of soup. MMmmmm... "ga liu"

But other than that...this trip has been really interesting. Not very many people can comprehend what it's like working in a factory, let alone a factory in Asia. It's really different. When I get back to Toronto I'll be working in another factory, but this time in a multinational company. So it'll be interesting to see how different it really is.

I'm really blessed to have had the chance to get some international experience working...cuz afterall, perhaps someday I'll return to China and work in a factory once more.

Back to HK

So a couple nights ago, Kat and I arrived back to Hong Kong for our last stretch of our what has been adventurous trip in Asia.

With only 5.5 weeks left (and 2.5 weeks for Kat), it feels like so much is coming to a close...to be honest I really want to just stay...but at the same time I do want to go home.

I do have a lot to share about regarding the conference and such, but perhaps I'll do that on another post.

But yesterday was a really cool day...and in one sense, I was moved. Nothing spectacular happened, in fact what moved me was just an image and a feeling. The image was of the Lau family...3 generations, all of the uncles (including my dad), and 3 cousins walking together just spending time at the mall together. The feeling...I love my family. And I guess, it was just the sense that although there were a lot more people, this was the first time it really hit home to me...

Two years ago, ever since God helped me to learn some Cantonese, began the journey of developing relationships with family that I never had before. When I came back in 2004, i could actually begin to build an close relationship with nana (my mom's mom). For the first time, we had a converstaion. For the first time I could share with her about my faith and my passion for China. The grandparent-to-grandchild relationship that I never had, and kinda envied of others, I was finally given the chance to start. And when my yeye and mama (dad's dad and dad's mom respectively) came to visit Canada, and ever since I've been back here...yet another relationship that I feel like I should've had, but never had the capacity to have until now...

kinda wish i could've had this with my grandpa (mom's dad) before he passed away...

but yea...really moved. I didn't anticipate this, though this is what I wanted.

For those of you who read this and share the same Father, keep praying for these relationships please.

China then Macau

In a matter of hours, Kat and I will be on a train headed towards Dongguan, China.

I think a little explanation needs to be given to why I feel so excited. First off, next week I won't have to work. hahah but more importantly, there's another reason why.

Even before Kat and I started dating, God had been cultivating in our hearts a love and compassion for the country of China. And for the first time ever, this weekend we will be stepping onto Chinese soil together! Wow. Who would've known. It's gonna be soo cool.

I am SOOO excited! Another thing that kinda gets me excited is this...

No one I know, outside of my dad's family, has ever seen or been a part of this side of my life. It's the side of my life that gets hidden away when I'm in Toronto...because it's practically half a world away.

Some of you may know, but essentially I'm part of a family business here in China that is very family oriented...to cut a long story short, my dad was the only one who decided not to join the family business and to pursue ministry instead. And because of that, much of my side of the family doesn't really get so involved with the business. But coming back, I've been having really odd feelings here and there.

The other day when I was walking over to the other factory, I saw a truck waiting to load stuff. And on the side of the truck it said, "Kam Pin Paint Works." And then it kinda dawned on me...that's my truck. It's Lau property. Living over in Toronto, our family has always been very simple. My dad's a pastor and my mom's a music teacher...and I guess coming over here being told that I can walk where ever I want in the factory because I'm a Lau, always makes me feel like I'm stepping into another life that I'm a part of.

Well essentially, the reason I'm excited is because there's finally someone that I can share this side with. Someone who'll get to see what this side of me is, although it's never been a huge part of it. It's so amazing how two years ago I came here by myself, but this time Kat's able to join too. So cool.

Well this weekend hopefully we'll be visiting the factory, eating at my uncle's restaurant, meeting Queen's people, watching my cousin race (legal, track racing...), and possibly playing a game of golf.

After this weekend my dad, Kat, and I are gonna head over to Macau for the week long CCCOWE conference. I'm pumped for that. I can't wait to hear what God is doing around the world, and also to be under the training of other faithful leaders and servants of His global Chinese church.

If you can, please remember us in your prayers. I've attached a prayer letter for you all at the bottom of this email. I hope you get a chance to read it. If you want you can read Kat's prayer letter too at her blog: katluksadventures.blogspot.com

-----------------------------------

Hey all,

This is a slightly long email, but I really appreciate it if you can read through it and pray for me these next couple days/weeks.

In about 5 days, I will be leaving Hong Kong for what would be the primary reason why I came to Hong Kong... let me share.

Next week, Kat and I will be going to a 5 day conference called CCCOWE in the city of Macau. Essentially this conference is a gathering of church pastors and leaders (specifically Chinese) from across the world, to equip, pray, and share for the purpose of reaching the world for Christ together. Happening once every 3-5 years, this year they are starting their very first English speaking track of workshops and plenary sessions. Apparently, the goal this year is to "raise up a new generation" of dedicated followers and servants in the church.

I am really excited about going, because this is where I think God's gonna really show me about where my place is with regards to China. As most of you know, I've felt the Lord's call to serve Him in China one day, and I've been asking Him over and over again how to do it, but each time I just heard Him whisper back and say, "I'll tell you when you get there."

Last time I came here, I thought He would answer me, but all He told me was "There's a bigger picture". And I'm beginning to think that this may be that bigger picture...attending the conference and seeing what the Lord is doing in the global Chinese church.

So I'm thinking...maybe this time, He's gonna tell me. And I'm really excited!

One thing that I know I need is your prayers. I know this week will be an intense week, and I can't do it without all of you beside me praying. I've already been feeling some spiritual attack on my mind, physical body, and spiritual life. I definitely need you all to help pray for protection.

Here's a short list of other things you can pray for me as well:
- divine revelation for the direction of my life
- a more focused and renewed passion for the people of China
- connecting with the right people
- spiritual walk with God would be closer
- energy to fully engage everyday during the conference

One last prayer request is also to pray for Kat. She's been given the privilege of sharing for 10 mins in front of the whole English track about what God has been doing in Toronto, specifically about Youth on a Hill. Afterwards, there will be an open question and answer session where she's got to field questions from the audience. Pray that her ears will be attentive to where the Spirit is trying to lead her during the talk and that she would have confidence and peace when she shares and fields questions.

Thank you so much for reading this far and for praying for me.

Take care and I hope you all continue to have an awesome summer.

-mike

Dinner on Stubbs Rd.

Last night, Kat and I joined Casey for dinner at Gary and Garland’s house. It was an awesome night. What happened there, the words that were spoken, were not expected but so encouraging to hear.

I think the two phrases that caught my attention the most was when Gary and Garland told us that we were at the epicenter of what God is doing in the English church of Hong Kong. They told us we were in the right place, attending the Vine as our church in Hong Kong. They spoke about how God has been doing so much in that church, and I couldn’t agree more. They told us about how God’s been working in places like Tung Fook Tong, last December 1500 people came to Christ. That is amazing! They told us about ECC Hong Kong, about their 24/7 prayer ministry and how every slot is filled with people from the church praying. To hear of a church who’s entire congregation is so engaged in praying, like ECC Hong Kong and like the Brooklyn Tabernacle (which we also talked about), is so encouraging.

The other thing they told us was to bring what we find here back to Toronto. They told us that we were shock troops or scouts. We are seeing what it’s like for the kingdom of God to come down on earth, and we need to lead others into prayer and repentance to see His kingdom unfold in the lives of our families, churches, schools, and friends.

After dinner, we spent some time to pray together, sharing requests like how CCCOWE will be coming up soon. And it was really cool to have a meal and pray with a couple that we don’t know too well, and yet share the same heart.
It was an unexpectedly awesome night.